Reclaim Who You Are From Bullies, Abusers, Violence And Harassment Through Phenomenal Transformation Coaching Techniques

Bullying Amongst Adults

Bullying destroys your confidence and breaks down your self-trust, self-value, inner strength, self-belief, self-empowerment and self-worth.  In other words, diminishes and destroys your self-esteem thus destroying you as a person.

As a young child, you may not talk to your parents about it, as they seem to be dealing with enough of their own issues, so you try to deal with it alone.  Or your parents may have told you to ignore the bullies, which is always easier said than done.  Or you fear judgment from your parents, so you also keep quiet.  Over time this pain is bottled or boxed up and tucked away thinking you have dealt with it.  Yet, all you have done is suppress it in a box or bottle.  The issue is when that box or bottle explodes one day in the form of illness, disease (disease of the body), or emotional outbursts, that is when it could be too late.

In my own experience, I was bullied for many years as a child by my brother.  In all fairness, he was only a child himself and didn’t know any better.  Unfortunately, I became used to bullying and therefore it wasn’t recognisable to me while being bullied as an adult. I had never dealt with that pattern of behaviour since childhood, which resulted in this behaviour filtering into my relationships.  And the only way I knew how to deal with it was to retaliate verbally with ‘spitting daggers’, rather than seeing it for what it was and dealing with it.

It was only when my husband had a fling that turned into an affair, that he suddenly blamed me for many things in our marriage.  Above this, he used manipulation as an attempt to minimise me and inflate himself.

Through his arrogance and bullying, he would lie to my face.  While the words of him telling me he wanted a divorce were still fresh in my heart, he was already leaving the house to spend weekends with his mistress.  That then developed into weeknights too and he would only come home in the morning to work.  I had to ‘suck this up’ as my lawyer advised.  It was very hard to see someone you love, going out every night to see their mistress and then coming home the following morning to work.  Spend weekends at her house and come back on a Monday morning.

We used to have date nights on a Tuesday and he would take her on what was once our date night.  Twice, I also found amongst receipts that he took her to a restaurant and then to a hotel.

Our arguments became worse over time, and the verbal abuse and bullying were soul-destroying, let alone my self-esteem.

This was truly one of the most difficult times of my life to have to endure bullying, harassment and arrogance like I have never seen before.  It lasted two months but it felt like two years.  Every day I had to work on myself using my coaching techniques.  Very often I’d do constellations to get me through.  If it wasn’t for my coaching techniques as well as the love, care and support of my family, I am not sure I would’ve made it through.

On top of all this, one of my earlier attorneys, had been bullying me too.   The bad advice given, was what started a lot of trouble.  It was one bully after the other that kept showing up.

Harassment Amongst Adults

Harassment is also another form of bullying.  It is where your human and civil rights are abused.  You feel harassed through physical and emotional abuse.

Physical Abuse

Physical abuse escalates in its severity.  The more abusers get away with it, the more they continue to abuse more detrimentally to you.  This creates physical trauma.

This form of abuse will also break down your confidence to communicate.  You are often threatened to not tell anyone about the abuse.  You may not speak to the abuser on a good day even, about the entire subject as there will be consequences for you.  You then suppress what you would like to say and your confidence breaks down.

You live in a constant state of fear never knowing when the next outburst will occur – never knowing the outcome and the severity thereof.

Emotional Abuse

Emotional abusive behavior is aimed at controlling, belittling, isolating, or manipulating another person through non-physical means.  It often includes verbal insults, intimidation, and withholding affection or approval to diminish a person’s self-worth and confidence. Unlike physical abuse, the harm caused by emotional abuse may not leave visible scars, yet it deeply impacts an individual’s mental health, leading to anxiety, depression, and feelings of worthlessness. Over time, this can lead to lasting damage to a person’s self-esteem, relationships, and overall sense of well-being.

I was harassed by two people with phone calls, various messages and threats before coming to my house uninvited to attack me.  I had left the two of them alone to get on with their lives, yet they still came to my house to make trouble.  Read further to find out more.

Domestic Violence

Two and a half months after the mention of a divorce, my husband (at the time) and his mistress came to my house one evening.  They both attacked me and I ended up in hospital for five nights.  My life was turned upside down, which also had a very huge ripple effect on my family, friends and my business.

My husband at the time, also knew I was going to Germany for a holiday on the Sunday to come.  He is an envious person of my sister and her success.  He knew she had bought me the flight tickets and had an issue with this, and I can only imagine that added to his displeasure and created further anger.  Needless to say, I had to cancel my trip to Germany after the attack.

Following this, there was one shock after the other.  It truly felt like there was no end to it and my body was taking a lot of strain, so much so that my blood pressure spiked.

I realised that I had to start paying more attention to my personal life.  I was taken advantage of with debt in my name, businesses in my name and suddenly when it came time to face reality, I saw how complicated I had made my life, by not being aware enough.

The advantage of being aware and paying attention, is that you wouldn’t allow your life to become so complicated, or let those you think love you and think they love you, take full advantage of you.  People in your life will usually keep themself safe and comfortable while throwing you to wolves when they no longer need you, or when the going gets tough.

I realise now how many times red flags showed up.  Thinking back now I see that already from the start of the relationship, during and at the end of the relationship all the red flags.  Love is blind and I turned a blind eye to them.  The consequence of this is that I allowed myself to be sucked in slowly, to one bad situation after another, leading up to a complete and utter explosion.

The signs were showing up over and over again for me to deal with it. The time finally came for me to do a family and systemic constellations, and the more I did of them, the more the explosions subsided finally leading to a light at the end of the tunnel.

My Greatest Lessons – Reclaim Who You Are 

Out of everything bad, must come something good.  This is the balance of life.  At the point of pain, there can only be gain.  While you are in a state of revenge, anger, and resentment your life will however not transform in the ways you would like it to.  There are one or more lessons in challenging times and trauma.

I share with you here, the greatest lessons from my experiences:

1. No one will love or care for you the way you do. Make sure you put yourself and your needs first.  Therefore ensure the following for yourself:  Self-love, self-value, self-respect, self-belief, self-trust, self-discipline and self-worth.  This way you reclaim who you are.
2. Pay attention and be fully aware of what is happening in your life. Taking action to put measures in place that will avoid pain for you.  This does not mean self-protection by closing your heart and building walls around you.  That is not the answer to living your life.  In fact, you will only struggle through life if you do this.  Make notes of the red flags as you may forget them.  Don’t use them in arguments, all you need them for is for your purpose to avoid pain in your life.
3. Believe in what you know. Outsiders will try and influence you – be strong enough not to fall for their ideas, concepts and beliefs.  You know what is happening in your life and you know the people in your life.  Never allow anyone to try to influence you from what you already know.  You know their patterns of behaviour.  Believe in that and stand your ground no matter what the consequences.
4. Be aware of the signs that come up to warn you and don’t forget them, as you will need them.
5. Never allow anyone to take your voice away from you
6. If someone takes your power away from you, make sure you take it back through growing your Self-love, self-value, self-respect, self-belief, self-trust, self-discipline and self-worth. Revenge and resentment are not the answer, it will only come back to you through karma.

Unravelling the Thread: The Impact of Unresolved Trauma on Mental and Physical Well-being

Trauma is a powerful force that can leave lasting imprints on your psyche, influencing not only mental health but also manifesting in physical health issues. The repercussions of unresolved trauma extend beyond the individual, perpetuating generational patterns and contributing to a cascade of negative thoughts and emotions. In this write-up, we delve into the profound impact of unresolved trauma, exploring its connection to mental health issues, repeated generational patterns, and a range of negative emotions.

The Link Between Unresolved Trauma and Mental Health:

Unresolved trauma can be a silent contributor to mental health challenges, acting as a breeding ground for conditions such as depression, anxiety, and anger. Traumatic experiences, whether recent or deeply rooted in the past, can create a fertile ground for negative thoughts and emotions to take root and persist. The weight of unprocessed trauma can make it challenging for you to navigate your emotions, leading to a heightened vulnerability to mental health disorders.

Generational Patterns and Inherited Trauma:

One of the insidious aspects of unresolved trauma is its ability to echo through generations, creating recurring patterns of suffering. When trauma remains unaddressed, it can be passed down through family lines, influencing the emotional and psychological well-being of subsequent generations. Understanding and breaking these cycles requires a conscious effort to confront and heal from the traumas that may be embedded in family history.

Negative Thoughts and Emotions:

Unresolved trauma often acts as a silent puppeteer, pulling the strings of negative thoughts and emotions.  Through the experience of trauma, you may find yourself trapped in a cycle of self-destructive thinking, guilt, shame, or a pervasive sense of worthlessness. Breaking free from these patterns involves acknowledging the roots of these thoughts and emotions and actively working towards healing.

Depression, Anxiety, and Anger:

The interplay between unresolved trauma and mental health is especially evident in conditions like depression, anxiety, and anger. Trauma can create a constant state of emotional turbulence, making it difficult for you to find stability and peace of mind. As a result, you may find yourself grappling with the symptoms of depression, the relentless grip of anxiety, or the overwhelming force of unbridled anger.

Strategies for Healing:

Acknowledging the impact of unresolved trauma is the first step toward breaking free from its chains. Seeking professional help, such as guidance through Transformation Coaching, provides a safe and supportive environment for you to explore and process traumatic experiences. Mindfulness practices, self-care, and building a robust support system are additional tools that can aid in the healing process.

Conclusion:

Unresolved trauma is a formidable force that can cast a long shadow on both mental and physical well-being. Understanding its impact on generational patterns, negative emotions, and mental health challenges is crucial for breaking free from its grip. By addressing trauma head-on, individuals can embark on a journey of healing, paving the way for a brighter and more resilient future. It’s never too late to unravel the threads of unresolved trauma and reclaim your authentic self, over your mental well-being and physical health.