Placing too much value on other people’s affirmation means that your self-esteem is overly dependent on external validation rather than your own intrinsic value.
The underlying issue is that you there is a part of you that feels you are not good enough and you are not seeing your own true worth. You rely on people to validate you so you can rise above situations. The issue is that you don’t always see it yourself. It will take someone who does see your value and who is honest enough with you to point it out to you.
When your self-esteem is of value and you believe in yourself, love yourself, trust yourself, respect yourself you no longer need to seek this from the outside world. You are totally independent rather than dependent on those around you.
This often leads to:
- Low self-confidence: You may doubt your own abilities and decisions unless others approve of them.
- People-pleasing tendencies: You might prioritize making others happy over your own needs, fearing rejection or disapproval.
- Emotional highs and lows: Your mood may fluctuate based on praise or criticism from others. By letting go of emotional triggers will raise your emotional intelligence and you can be more proactive rather than reactive.
- Fear of judgment: You may hesitate to express yourself authentically, worrying about what people will think.
- Chronic self-doubt: You might struggle to trust your own judgment, seeking reassurance constantly.
Breaking Free
- Strengthen self-validation: Start affirming your own worth rather than relying on external praise.
- Set healthy boundaries: Learn to say no and prioritize your needs without guilt. Remember when you feel guilty, and more especially when you don’t do what is important to you, you are only hurting yourself.
- Reframe criticism: See feedback as information, not a definition of your value. Do some introspection to discover if this is true for you. If not, let it go. If it is, then do relevant techniques to improve yourself
- Build self-trust: Make small decisions without seeking approval to develop confidence in your own judgment. You will learn from your own failures. And again, if you go within and review if your decision aligns with your values you will for the most part make the right decision.
- Work on self-love: Engage in practices that remind you of your inherent worth, independent of others’ opinions. Think back to when you did have self-love, there was time, and it’s up to you to find that and start working on those same characteristics to return to that space of self-love.
The Root Cause
This pattern often stems from childhood experiences, societal conditioning, or past emotional wounds where validation was linked to love, acceptance, or security. The root cause can only be accessed through the subconscious mind where you can make changes and the best technique for this is with a technique called family and systemic constellations.
To discover your worth by raising your self-esteem, and enjoying peace of mind, liberation and self-love, then contact me to overcome self-destructive patterns that no longer serve you. Contact me today for one free 45-minute session.
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